Mind4Youth

Author: Diana Dominguez

It makes us feel bad when we share our favorite band, our favorite show, or our favorite hobby, and the only response from the other person is either: “That’s weird”, or “Eww”, or “That’s the dumbest thing ever”, or “Choose something different”. Our joy and passion for the things that we like get suppressed when receiving these negative comments. While it sounds easy to simply ignore these comments, it is a lot harder to do, especially for teenagers and young adults. Repeatedly hearing criticizing comments and not getting the support we planned is discouraging. It can make us hide or abandon our interests and goals because cannot see our
self-worth.

The American Psychological Association defines self-worth as “an individual’s evaluation of themself as a valuable, capable human being deserving of respect and consideration”. Being able to recognize your self-worth would mean understanding that your interests and goals are acceptable and continuing to achieve them because you know that you
deserve to be respected. When I was in high school, my parents asked me what I wanted to study in college. I was thinking about becoming an author because I enjoyed attending the Creative Writing Club at my school. But when I told them I wanted to write stories, all they told me was “why?”. They told me that I was stupid because I wouldn’t get a job by studying writing and that I should be a social worker or study computer science instead. These comments made me really upset. I never mentioned my interest in studying creative writing to them again because I didn’t think I was capable of being respected. After some time I was able to recognize my self-worth and chose to major in Creative Writing. But this makes me wonder, why did those negative comments impact me so much?

Negativity Bias
Negativity bias or bad is stronger than good, is “the tendency for negative events, information, or feedback to have significantly more impact or influence on emotions, thoughts, or behavior than an equivalent positive event, information, or feedback”(APA Dictionary of
Psychology, 2023). Researchers have studied the effect of the brain’s reaction to negative stimuli and have found evidence of negativity bias through a series of experiments. In one study, called an “event-related potential” study, which measures the brain’s response to stimuli, people were shown a series of pleasant and unpleasant images. It was found that “even when unpleasant and pleasant stimuli are equally unexpected, extreme, and arousing, unpleasant images have a stronger impact on recruitment of neural resources than do pleasant images” (Norris, 73). On top of the impact, studies have found that the brain tends to repeat and remember negativity more than positivity. Researchers concluded this by finding that participants in one study remembered the negative words list than the positive words list (Norris, 76) and observed in another study
that positive images were suppressed in visual areas of the brain while negative images “elicited repetition enhancement” (Norris, 74).

One possible explanation for why our brain exhibits negativity bias is because it might be an evolutionary trait, where it is necessary to remember the bad stimuli for survival. When I received my parents’ negativity, these comments had a strong impact, and naturally stored and
repeated those comments, making me feel unsure about myself. I thought it was best for my survival to disregard my interests if I wanted to continue to feel loved and cared for.

Negativity and Teens
Negative bias appears to be more common in teenagers and young adults. In many studies regarding negative information and college students, it was found that negative events were more likely to be remembered and retold than positive events (Carstensen & DeLiema, 1).
Later in life, the mindset of adults changes, shifting to “the positivity effect” where positive things are remembered more than the negative.
When transitioning into a teen, a change in their brain development occurs, leading to adolescent social sensitivity. This is “A shifting motivation toward social relatedness is thought to intensify the attention, salience, and emotion relegated to processing information concerning
social evaluations and social standing” (Somerville, 121). Teens tend to seek the acceptance of others, focusing on the values of their peers rather than of themselves so when they hear negative comments from others it causes a strong impact. In one experiment, adolescents who
experienced negative social feedback reported a “greater drop in mood and a greater increase in anxiety than do adults when excluded from the virtual ball-tossing game” (Somerville, 123).

Boosting Your Self-Worth
Luckily there are ways you can recognize your self-worth even if it is natural for the brain to listen to negativity. In the next two sections, you will find advice for teenagers. Underneath that, is advice for parents on ways they can help their teen recognize their self-worth.

Quick Tips For Teens
● Physical activity
○ Allows your mind to feel “stronger, healthier, and more empowered”.
○ Can help “tune into your sensations and feelings”.
● Practice Self-Compassion
○ Be kind to yourself by doing positive self-talk.
○ Avoid comparing yourself to others.
○ Accepting who you are can result in feeling good about yourself and being more confident. ●Spend Time With Supportive People
○ If possible, don’t spend time with people who make you feel bad about yourself. Find people who will respect you.
○ If not possible, such as if they are your guardian, have a conversation with them about the way their negative comments affect you. ●Journaling
○ Allows you to understand yourself by being aware of your thoughts and values. You’ll then start to accept them and plan out what you need to accomplish them.

Extended Tip for Teens
● Practice Self-Connection
According to an article written by Klussman et al., this consists of three parts:
1. To be aware of oneself
○ knowing your “internal states, preferences, resources, and intuitions” such as your important values.
2. To accept oneself
○ “a complete acceptance of one’s internal states, preference, resources, and intuitions”. You understand that those are part of you without worrying about any judgment from others.
3. Aligning our behavior
○ “behaving in ways that are consistent with one’s internal states, preferences, resources, and intuitions.” In other words, doing things that will help reflect your values.

● Practicing this can result in:

○ Being more likely to achieve your goals
○ Greater life satisfaction
○ Increased levels of happiness
○ Enhance clear communication about your values to others
○ Being able to “engage in more meaningful social activities due to acting in alignment with their values”

For Parents
● Support And Encourage Your Teen
○ Have a conversation about their values and priorities.
○ “Celebrate their talents and tailor activities and instruction around their abilities as much as possible”
○ Allow them to make their own choices and learn from their mistakes (with reasonable boundaries).
● Be Mindful Of What You Say
○ Avoid or lessen the amount of negative self-talk. Be a good role model for your teens. It will also help increase your self-worth.
○ Avoid criticizing your teen too much. Guiding and correcting them on something they did wrong is fine. Continuously saying harsh and discouraging comments is not.

Recognizing your self-worth can take some work. It took me a while to understand that studying Creative Writing aligns with my values. Being able to help, inform, and entertain others through writing is an important value to me, and accepting this helped me see that I deserve to be
respected and considered. It is your turn to act. Connect with yourself. Give yourself compassion. Your thoughts and interests matter and no one should have to harshly criticize the things you love. While it is normal for our brain to remember and react strongly to negativity, and for teenagers to seek social acceptance, it is even greater to love yourself. Practice
responding less to negativity using the tips I’ve provided in the article. Have open conversations with adults and peers expressing how you feel when receiving judgmental comments. Ask for support and understanding you need to feel respected. Feel free to share this article with them as well and congratulations on starting your journey towards recognizing your self-worth!

Works Cited

“Apa Dictionary of Psychology.” American Psychological Association,, 15 Nov. 2023, dictionary.apa.org/self-worth.

Carstensen, L. L., & DeLiema, M. The positivity effect: A negativity bias in youth fades with age.
Current Opinion in Behavioral Sciences, (2018).
https://doi.org/10.1016/j.cobeha.2017.07.009

Eva, Amy L. “Five Ways to Help Teens Build a Sense of Self-Worth.” Mindful, 23 May 2018,
http://www.mindful.org/five-ways-to-help-teens-build-a-sense-of-self-worth/.

Klussman, K., N. Curtin, J. Langer, and A. L. Nichols. “The Importance of Awareness, Acceptance, and Alignment With the Self: A Framework for Understanding Self-Connection”. Europe’s Journal of Psychology, Vol. 18, no. 1, Feb. 2022, pp. 120-31,
doi:10.5964/ejop.3707.

Norris, C. J. The negativity bias, revisited: Evidence from neuroscience measures and an individual differences approach. Social Neuroscience, (2019), 16(1), 68–82.
https://doi.org/10.1080/17470919.2019.1696225
Somerville, L. H. The Teenage Brain. Current Directions in Psychological Science, (2013)
https://doi.org/10.1177/0963721413476512

Tague, Natalia. “10 Ways to Help Your Teens Grow Self-Worth.” Western Tidewater Community
Services Board, 9 Feb. 2023,
http://www.wtcsb.org/10-ways-to-help-your-teens-grow-self-worth/.